Hello, I’m Darrell Chapenson and this is Inside Heroics!

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DC: Today on Inside Heroics, I will be talking to the one and only Skip Cocoa.  Hello, Skip.

SC: Hello Darrell, it’s a pleasure to be here.

DC: Things have been going well for you, we hear.

SC: Indeed, Darrell.   We’ve just started “the feed” out of the Ceremonial Orbiting Anvil.  Crime fighting is really going well.  I got to try out the new Celestial set.  I couldn’t be happier.

DC: Wonderful, wonderful.  Tell us about “the feed”.

SC:  Well Darrell, it’s the feed.  I broadcast to our website from the Ceremonial Orbiting Anvil, which is a space apartment building I rent a room in.  It’s also a military grade weapons platform.

DC: The government is really trying to find ways around those budget troubles, huh.  Now, I’m going to shift gears on you a moment, Skip, and ask the question that’s been looming over everyone’s head.  It’s the big elephant in the room. It would seem you’ve had some choice words to share about dedicated healers in Champions Online, and it has a few people in a stir.

SC: Well, I don’t really like to talk about it.  It was a long day.  The feed had eaten itself, so I had to start over, and it wasn’t a short one.  I was a bit testy and I may have said things that sounded like people who only heal weren’t necessarily up to par as a hero.

DC: Ouch.  That had to hurt.   And then you went on, yes?

SC: Well, no.  That was it.  Then I was going to go on when you jerked me over here for this interview.  I’m not actually done.  No one has even read those comments yet.

DC: And then you went on to explain that healers should have their babies devoured by acid spitting space spiders.

SC: What?!  No!  I love healers.  I would never say such a thing.

DC: This sort of defensiveness isn’t what we need to create a productive atmosphere, Skip.  Go on.  Explain how you said that healers were a load of fantasy gutter trash played by people with no capacity to play a game with more than two buttons, and that a mass genocide of their kind was too good for them.

SC: What… where do you get this stuff?  I don’t hate healers, Darrell.  I was only explaining, perhaps a bit harshly, that they…

DC: You don’t have to raise your voice, Skip.  Come, let’s try to create some informal dialog between you and those you have offended.

SC: Well, Darrell, not a lot of people know this, but I actually dated a healer for a time.  She was a Paladin.  I wasn’t aware you could cast magical spells in so much metal armor, but she made it work and was good at what she did.

DC: It’s divine magic, Skip.  It doesn’t suffer spell failure checks due to armor.

SC: Of course, how silly of me.  So, as I was saying, she was great.  She cared for other people and I really liked her.  We ultimately parted on good terms.  We were just from very different worlds.  She was called away to someplace called Uld’Frakaraxius.  I offered to come and protect her, but she said they didn’t need any more melee DPS and that I would never make gear check anyways.  But she couldn’t stay behind.  She really needed the helmet possessed by a dragon in the dungeon’s depths in order to progress further.  That was three years ago.  She never came back.

DC: So is she…

SC: No.  Last I had heard, they had killed the dragon 896 times, but it has yet to give up the treasure she seeks.  The drop rate is apparently atrocious.  I miss her, but we’re from different worlds, and that’s just how it has to be.

DC: And so now you hold deep resentment to all healers?

SC: Darrell, let me tell you a story.  Little Timmy was playing his first Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game that all the kids at school were talking about.  At some point, he thought to himself, “Timmy, you’re a nice guy.  You like to help people and maybe you should create a healing character”.  Timmy had many choices of characters with many abilities and all were very appealing.  He ultimately created his healer, gained a few levels, and then joined a group of people trying to make their way through a particularly difficult dungeon.  And much the way he had been fighting off rats, wolves and lowly office interns, he fired off his many colorful spells while his unhealed friends all died.  Timmy was labeled a “n00b” and told never to cast anything that wasn’t a heal ever again.  After doing this enough, Timmy is eventually brain washed into believing he may only cast healing spells.

Timmy then joined Champions Online and made a new healer.  He found some weak healing spells and waited until someone would get hurt, and found that the game mechanics did not support this behavior or build ideology well and went to the forums to QQ.  There, everyone flamed each other and nothing productive happened.  The End.

DC:  And the moral is?

SC: I do believe that there are those who truly and deeply enjoy only the act of filling green bars, but it’s my opinion that a lot of these people are merely trained to think this way.  I think the Celestial set will be a good way for them to explore a more dynamic and varied play experience in which they can do more than stare at bars.  But it’s really not a heal-only centered set, and I fear that those who don’t accepted the mixed role will be extremely frustrated.  I know there is a lot of healer hate on the forums.  I know they fight a hard fight against prejudice. It’s hard for them to fight this battle alone.

DC: Because healers can’t solo worth beans.

SC: Right. I see them fighting a long fight.  Against enemies four levels below them.  And surviving, but not winning.  And I feel bad.  I love you, healers.  Our opinions may vary on your place in this world,but what you do is good.  Whether you dedicate or dabble, your generosity will not be ignored by The Honorable Skip Cocoa.  Be… I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.  Be who you want to be, and I will accept you with open arms.

DC: That looks like all the time we have.  Thank you, Skip, for your time.  And thank you, viewers, for watching this episode of Inside Heroics.

SC: I’m glad to have been here.  Now, Darrell, please put my camera back in my room.  It’s generally frowned upon for the janitorial staff to swipe things from the tenant’s rooms.

DC: Sorry about that, Mr. Cocoa.  It won’t happen again.